So as of this post the Steve:Sean post ratio is 5:2. Honestly, I can't help but feel a little... well, intimidated. Hell, I'm not even busy or anything, and I'm not posting. God, I'm a tool.
Eh, sorry, that was inappropriate. I'll limit the emotional outbursts for now and take some time to tell you all about a great man: Bill Dance.
Bill Dance is an angler fisherman. He has his own show. That's pretty much everything I know about this man. I have never seen an episode of "Bill Dance Outdoors" and I really have no desire to. What I do know, however, is that this man is responsible for some of the funniest bloopers ever made.
You'll find plenty of blooper reel videos all over the internet: cats clawing genitals, bridesmaids toppling over each other, newsmen mistakenly muttering "FUCK" with their mics on. But there are no bloopers that seem to match the sheer scope of Mr. Dance's fishing mishaps; the way constant misfortune follows this man is near-Shakespearean. Watch Bill knock a cameraman into a pond, only to worry about the camera equipment more. Marvel as Bill somehow manages to hook his fishing line onto his own nose. Weep as Bill kicks the crap out of a harmless tree snake. And of course, gaze wordlessly as Bill completely fails at following his own advice.
For me, these bloopers go beyond the realm of simple giggles at another's misfortune and become something of a character portrait: a sad old man, stuck in his home-grown fishing ways, constantly being shat upon by Mother Nature herself. Hearing Bill shout "Oh good GOSH" - respectful enough not to use the Lord's name in vain even at the height of his frustration - is truly a moment for the ages.
There's two absolutely brilliant Bill Dance videos I meant to link here but haven't been able to find recently and must have been removed from Youtube - one of Bill throwing his fishing rod across the water in rage over a musical montage, and one of Bill trying to finish a Chevy Truck ad while cows moo over his every word, the latter of which may amount to the definitive Bill Dance moment. Until those videos are found, Bill Dance fans can either search for him on assorted internet video sites or buy the entire blooper DVD anthology for the low low price of $11.49 American. Now that's a deal that'll make you squeeze mustard all over your pants. (Eh, sorry, bad Bill Dance in-joke. In a perfect world, everybody would catch that reference.)
Before I go, I'd also like to say that I have witnessed The Simpsons Movie, and I have been thorougly underwhelmed. Don't be surprised if either Steve or I end up posting links to some of our favorite Simpsons moments from its Glory Days. Kinda like this one. Oh Milhouse, you card.
Enjoy the rest of your July, folks.
- Sean
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1 comment:
They deleted the cow link?! Bastards!
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