I felt compelled to comment on an interesting new development in audio technology that i stumbled upon whilst perusing the greatest news site in the world atm imo (at the moment, in my opinion...dummy) digg.com.
http://gizmodo.com/356090/inferno-speaker-blaster-makes-you-vomit
say how do to the Inferno Speaker
basically what this 3 foot pain-in-the-ass does is emit a 125db noise that is so unbearable, it "induces vomiting, chest pain, and vertigo". Several manufacturers have already started cranking out these fucking headache machines, installing them in nuclear facilites in Russia, various shops throughout Europe, and even as a theft deterrence measure on cars and vans.
Frankly, I feel morally obligated to effectively stamp my namesake on this thang and deem it
HIGHLY KRESSTIONABLE
A few months ago, I learned about "mosquito tones", high pitched noises that operate at such a high frequency that they are inaudible to anyone above the age of 30 (at this age hearing has degraded beyond this frequency). Students have begun using them as ringtones to receive calls in class without drawing attention, and in Europe shop owners will play these squealing tones as a way to keep goldbricking kids from loitering in front of their stores.
this interested me to the point that I actually bought one of these ringtones (much to the chegrin of the younger members of my extended family) but it also opened my eyes to the silly and obnoxious hobby of meddling with sound frequencies. Well, if the mosquito tone is a 7 on the obnoxious scale, the Inferno Speaker is easily a 12 (in theory)
Some asshole audiologist, whilst tinkering in his Frankensteinian lab, discovered this horrible technology and marketed it, and now I'm going on record to say that this technology, if it catches on, will turn up the dickometer on security systems.
Imagine, if you will, you live in a peaceful suburb in a two story with kids, a dog, and a power mower. The year is 2018. A prowler breaks into your home, and unbeknownst to him you've installed the latest in home security: The Inferno Speaker 9000.
You hear the sound of glass breaking, you jump up and grab the nearest baseball bat/golf club/obligatory home defense bludgeoning weapon. Your heart racing, you enter the hall.
AND THE OBNOXIOSPEAKER ENGAGES
Suddenly the prowler drops to his knees clutching his chest. The nausea forces him to vomit all over your Persian foyer rug. your dog rolls over and whimpers, vomits, eats his vomit, and repeats. Your wife comes out of the bedroom gripping her ears. she vomits. the kids wake up, screaming "daddy! daddy!" in between heaving chunks of macaroni and cheese on their dora the explorer bedsheets.
now thats kresstionable
No comments:
Post a Comment