Wednesday's Comicxsz-PHIL!!!!

Hello, and welcome to Wilhelm on the Web's Wednesday Comics. Generally, every Wednesday, we'll update with a handful of fresh and funny comics. However, there's a lot to work out for that; cartoonists demand internet money, they have to discuss things with their agent, and if sexual favors aren't exchanged, then the whole deal may be lost completely.

So, in the interim, I encourage everyone to visit a website I run with my friend Ben called Have Your Phil. PHIL was the smash hit of the Daily Campus last year, and Ben and I love writing it so much, we just HAD to keep going this summer!

HaveYourPhil is updated EVERY MWF with a brand new strip, and has a full archive if you want to start from the beginning. And, hey! Here's TODAY'S comic!

Next week we'll have all sorts of comics for you. But don't come back until you've Had Your Phil!!!!!

-steve

Daily Campus Comics - Finals Edition

So the semester is finally over, and if you've been following my updates since September you know that it's been a doozy, especially for the Daily Campus comics page. We've had some laughs, some awkward pauses, and even some tender moments (mostly thanks to EggSalad). But all good things must come to an end.

Some comics are staying in the paper after the break. Some comics are finished and are never comic back, ever. I bet you can't wait to find out which ones are leaving.

Well, let's take a look.


Lucid TV, for all intents and purposes, doesn't seem to be going anywhere. This is a good thing because Lucid TV is wonderful.

Hell, these are repeats from last spring and they're still great.


Brothers Watt will, as far as I know, continue to be the resident "pretty-funny-but-way-too-much-like-Calvin-and-Hobbes" comic in the DC next semester. That's fine, I guess. Every college newspaper needs at least one.

It will also continue to make "kids don't get old technology" jokes, I'm sure. I don't know. Why do people assume all kids born in the past decade or so are space-age technobuffs who sleep in the Silicon Valley with their futuristic doo-hickeys? Has the Brother Watt depicted in the latter comic been sleeping in a cryogenic tube half his life?

Eh. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Pirates and Ninjas will probably still be around next semester and continue to be zany zany zany. I haven't posted this comic much because I don't really care about it. It's kinda that one comic you just automatically gloss over, without even reading it. It might as well be blank space. There's really nothing there.

Wow, playing a 47-year-old woman in a play is pretty embarrassing, huh? Jeez, what an awkward moment. I can say, though, that this comic gives us what could be one of the most frightening punchlines ever delivered. Look at the man standing behind our protagonist in the last panel - lurking in the shadows, his shirt half-unbuttoned, his crotch oddly accentuated, his speech bubble creeping jaggedly down the side of the panel. "I play a 47-year-old man every day."

Thank god there is no fourth panel.


In lighter news, Poor Richard will still be around. It's a cute comic.

I wish I had more to say about it.

Here's an interesting case. In the comment page of our last DC comics update, I was taken to task by a particularly vigilant reader for not going after Phil, accusing me of favoritism since Stephen Winchell, Phil's illustrator, is a member of Wilhelm as we all know. Now, I've always considered Phil out of bounds for these entries since I expected Winchell to make his own little post about it.

But he didn't. And do I like being accused of favoritism? No, no I don't.

So let me put it this way: Phil is a comic for chumps. I could draw a Phil in my sleep. Hell, I could improve it in my sleep. Just watch and learn:

And there you go. Two seconds.

Noted improvements include:
-Full blazing color
-Character development (Phil's blond friend, who desperately seeks Phil's approval; Phil himself, who we can now see is an albino)
-Bodies, dynamic movements, and teeth
-Easy-to-read font
-From the get-go, we know EXACTLY who Phil is
-Funny, observational jokes anyone can relate to

Winchell, consider this a gift. I don't give this kind of valuable criticism to just anybody. Take it into consideration for next semester.

Oh, wait... that's Franklin Pierce, isn't it? Shit. Forgo everything I just said.

Yessir, Effed Up will still be around to charm us with its incredibly busy art. Sage advice here, freshmen: don't daydream while studying. Books will sneak up on you, and murder you. Presumably.

Whatever, it's Effed Up, we all know what to expect.

FTW will probably still be around, and will probably still make no goddamned sense.

You know, in retrospect, FTW is kind of a wannabe Pirates and Ninjas, which in itself is kind of a wannabe Based on a True Story. Kinda like how Sgt. Pepper's was influenced by Pet Sounds, which in itself was influenced by Rubber Soul. Great artists inspire one another.

Speak of the devil...

Based On a True Story is gonna be... oh, ugh, God. Eww. Ahhh... ohhhgggg.

OK, listen, I'm no prude, but I don't want to see the cast of Based On a True Story engaging in any kind of vaguely sexual activity. Ever. I mean, at least from a comic like Freshmen 15 I EXPECT to be thoroughly grossed out by horribly-drawn little people fucking incessantly.

I mean... ok, the joke doesn't even make any sense. Unless you're having sex in the goddamned snow. Seriously, Ms. Dunning, if you had just thought to yourself "Hmm, this joke is kind of stupid, maybe I'll hold back on drawing myself having sex," we could all be spared this... I don't know.

I would gladly see more of this:

Cutesy dumb shit. See? That's fine. And this:

See, this is... oh, God, who am I kidding. I can never look at these little cartoon people the same way again. It's like walking in on your parents having sex.

Ugh.

In other news, Musings of the Girl Next Door will also be around next semester. Also, it's gone a little batshit insane.


Yeah, that's not one, but two comics about ugly Christmas sweater parties. In the same week. To repeat a tired phrase, one would probably be too many.

Karen, I believe in you. I know you'll get back on track next semester. I don't want to believe that you're running out of ideas. I can't accept that.

Well, those are the comics that I know - barring some unforseen circumstances - will be gracing our comics page for at least another glorious semester.

But now, with a heavy heart, it's time for us to say goodbye to the new...

COMICS OF THE MONTH!

This month: Stickcat, Stiw Kit, and Freshmen 15

Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen. The following three comics are officially kaput. Over. Done with. In the graveyard.

This is going to be rough.
So Stickcat is over with. I'm sure everybody on campus is cheering, eh?

Honestly, though, I would be lying if I said Stickcat was the worst comic in the paper. Hell, it's far from it. It's mediocre, sure. But it's hardly the worst. It's just been stuck at the very top of the comics page for at least two goddamned years, and it's never gone away.

But it's leaving now. Okay? Forever and ever. Hell, even Stickcat himself can't stand the comic anymore. Let's just move on and erase it from our memories forever.

So the writer/artist of Stiw Kit, Scott Daros, commented on our last DC Comics update, expressing some regret that he hadn't been included in any of our previous updates.

Well, Scott, let me set the record straight: I haven't posted Stiw Kit in this blog because I really, really enjoy it. It's remarkably well-drawn, charming, cute but not overly so, and is easily one of the best in the paper. Yeah, I've talked about Lucid TV and Poor Richard and other comics I've enjoyed in the past, but I very much regret not talking about Stiw Kit earlier. It's a fine piece of work and it's a shame that it's only been in the DC for one semester.

So to make it up to you, I'll plug your blog and be done with it.

Just as a bonus, here's one last slice of Stiw Kit loveliness before we get down to... you know, the ugly stuff. Enjoy it, folks, it'll be the last you'll be seeing in a while:


Well... okay. Let's get down to business.

I'm prepared.

Freshmen 15. Yes, it's leaving. But it's not leaving... without our souls.

So here's some standard Freshmen 15 for you, printed about a week ago. Like we expect, characters' heads are perpetually hugging the edge of the panels, as if they're peeking out from under something. We can probably attribute this to the artist's total lack of ability to draw... you know, people.

But for the last week, something unusual began to develop.


That's right. Full body shots.

But that's not that bad, right? I mean, it's not like it's gross or weird or anything. They're just full-body drawings of Freshmen 15's rat-haired protagonist. But... what could this be leading to?

Ohhh... ahhh... eeeeuhhh...

I... well, okay, come on now. It's not that bad. It's just... rat-haired girl's ass. Ughhmmmm.

Well, at least it's the last comic, right?

Err, wait, I guess it's not, there's one more he-

Uerrr. ah. AH.

AHHHH. OH. OHGGAHH.


MERRAHHHHH


GABAHHHHERAHHHH

...Heather Dunning, consider yourself forgiven.


-Sean Rose

BONUS!

Sean Rose's Pick: Best Non-Comic Text Printed in the Daily Campus, Fall '07

Daily Campus Comics - October/November

Wow. I'm an asshole. I said in my last update that I'd start making my little survey of UConn's comics page a weekly thing. That was over a month ago - an even longer gap than last time! YIKES.

Well we might as well get the ball rolling again. Things have been going really well.

Musings is finally cutting the bullshit and asking the big questions. And it's not just limited to the random, invisible strangers this particular comic is targeted at. She's not stopping there.

Nope. She's going after her own friends. Who she sees every day. She's putting her own social life at risk, for the sake of art.

If anyone's wondering, this is what "cutting edge" is.

Yeah man, Hot Topic is so not cool anymore. Once it got all emo and goth and shit it just got lame. What a shame. I, for one, remember when kindly old Mr. Baker started what was known as "Ye Olde Hot-Topick Toffee Shoppe," where the children would laugh and play and were given free toffees because Mr. Baker was so old and kindly. Man, how times have changed.

Maybe you're all too young to remember this. But I'm glad someone else does. Hot Topic sure has changed.

Finally, a pot joke in the Daily Campus Comics Page! At long last!! We haven't had any good pot jokes since the heyday of Matt and Greg, a comic about two cool stoner dudes who smoked weed, hung out with pop culture icons like Oscar the Grouch and Link while smoking weed, and then smoked weed. Then they smoked weed. Those were the days.

Also I think the other kite should be saying, "I'm also as high as you, because I'm also a kite. We're both kites. I find nothing unusual about this situation."

Effed Up is finally taking a stand against a common enemy on UConn's campus: the infirmary. Fuck the infirmary, man! If you've got an injury just take care of that shit yourself. Like Christian Scientists.

"Ice it and keep off of it. How do you keep off of 'IT'?" Now there's some observational comedy worthy of Jerry Seinfeld. Really, what's the deal with "ice it and keep off of it"? What does that MEAN? I mean, there's no way that it could mean "put it on an ice pack and lay down for a while" or anything, right? I'm just totally clueless here. Doctors are so confusing!!

Also that doctor is lookin' snappy. Maybe they shouldn't trust him. Maybe he isn't a doctor. Maybe that's the joke.



Bill Watterson's back, ladies and gentlemen. Or he's been reincarnated in one William Wilson. I mean, let's be honest here... "William Wilson" just SCREAMS "fake name."

Welcome back to the fold, Mr. Watterson. How'd that whole "painting 100 works of art and burning them" thing work out?

So apparently being "original" means "wearing a scarf, communicating with exaggerated arm gestures, and being brunette."

Being original is also being cute, apparently.

Oh man, that is horrible. And he's holding the kid. Oh jeez.

I love this comic.

Hey this is kinda nice too. This is very nice.

I'm in a good mood.

Guess it's time for...

COMIC OF THE MONTH!!

This month: Freshmen 15







So the characters in Freshmen 15 are gettin' laid, drunk dialin', hookin' up with hot dudes and lots of other super-slutty stuff that cool girls do at UConn. It's really cool and shit. Because it's what cool college kids do.

I just hope this new wave of trendiness doesn't spread to more cerebral, respected comics.

NO NO GOD NO

Promise I'll do this sooner next time. Have a good'un.

-Sean Rose

Daily Campus Comics Curmudgeon - Part Deux

Man, it's been a while since my last review of UConn's campus comics, hasn't it? I should try to make this a weekly thing.

A lot has happened. Let me fill you in.

Based On A True Story has finally made the jump from a cutesy diary comic into a complete mind-fuck. What used to feature a girl complaining about how hard it is to talk to people on AIM and fantasize about Carmen Sandiego has become... well, this.

I don't know which one I prefer.

Yeah I just don't fucking get it.

Do attractive women commonly chill out with their bros in the forest?

More importantly, is it me, or are they having a shitting party? Because if they are that's just great.

I don't know if this was meant as some kind of super-ironic joke, but this comic was re-ran over and over again. For like a fucking month.

Also maybe it's just a stylistic thing, but that professor clearly has a bar code stamped on his face. This was a brilliant artistic choice.

If this comic were replaced with "The Adventures of Bar-Code Face" I would be very happy.

Honestly, if this were the last comic this "Frank" guy ever made, it would be the greatest comic ever. Man, just look at how happy that Stickcat lover is! Who on this earth would ever, in their right mind, love Stickcat that much? It is completely beyond reality, and yet there he is. Also note the Daily Campus that looks like a stone tablet, and the completely blatant erasure marks in the first panel. Man, Frank, you've got the world in your pocket. Don't ruin this masterful one-off by making any more.

Oh wait, you did and they weren't very funny. Oh well.

Now I would like to reveal to you a disturbing - but inevitable - recent trend: Daily Campus comics realizing that they are indeed terrible.

This is correct. You don't.

Chopsticks, you've been in this paper for a little over a month. Thank you for saving us the two-plus years it would have taken you to come to this conclusion.

The following comics, though, have not been as merciful.

Yeah haha you recognize that you do pot jokes, har har.

Again, like almost every DC comic, I keep thinking this one is a kind of post-modernist joke but I am consistently proven that it is not. It hurts my brain. And breaks my heart.

Finally, our brave hero Stickcat realizes that he has lost the good fight. Nobody cares about his boring, drawn-out escapades. Hell, the author had a whole hand-drawn story arc running a couple weeks back featuring Stickcat eating a giant sandwich. But no, Stickcat is and will forever be hated, and the fact that it remains at the top of the comics page doesn't help it any.

Having said that, this is probably the best Stickcat to come down the pike in a while; he walks in, he doesn't do anything stupid or annoying, and then he leaves. Thank you. If this ran every day for the rest of Stickcat's tenure at UConn, I would be a happy man.

Otherwise we'd just have this shit.


Well I find it hard to believe that this is the first time the author of Freshmen 15 heard someone talking shit about her comic. Then again, people talking shit about Freshmen 15 would require people to give a shit about Freshmen 15. So I guess it makes sense.

...zing.

As for the second comic, it is completely 100% true except for that last panel. Nobody is chuckling.

Nobody.

Well, I guess it's time to me to name my Comic of the Week! But since it's been so long, I guess I'll have to make it my...

COMIC OF THE MONTH!

In my last entry, I featured a little comic called Musings of the Girl Next Door not once, but twice. This is because Musings, at first glance, baffled me.

But times have changed. Now I understand.

Life is hard. Life doesn't have any easy answers. Life doesn't have "punch-lines". Life is just what it is... life. =As it goes on, we repeat our daily routine, and not much happens. Most people understand this, but only true artists live this, with unbridled passion. Karen Farver is one of these people.

Sure, this comic could have taken the easy route. It could have kept on making all those "UConn, Great Pick!" jokes, all those pot smoking jokes, all those Ugg Boots jokes that I don't understand because I don't know what the fuck Ugg Boots even are. But no - Musings is brave enough to stop, think, and come to a reasonable conclusion. Man, isn't it rough when you forget to read a book for class? Yes, Karen. Yes it is.

What can we hope to gain? What can we hope to achieve? Nothing but resentment, the drudgery of common life, fleeting and ultimately pointless feelings of joy. One day, your fridge is packed; the next day, it is bare. Overnight, our innocence is robbed, and we are blind to it until it's too late.

Not even the solace of sleep can solve our problems. What was once an ancillary, barren comic is now one of the most unforgiving portraits of human life ever to grace the DC comics page.

Karen Farver, I will probably never meet you, but if you are reading this, know that you now have my heart and soul in your hands. Please be gentle.

- Sean Rose